What’s Wrong … with Being a Human Magnet?
You’re in a relationship where you give and give, but never get anything back – this could be anything from work to romance. You’re always concerned whether or not people like you, and you always try to please everyone. It’s exhausting trying to keep everyone happy, isn’t it? It goes so far that you feel like you’re being manipulated! You are even in an abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist who manipulates you mercilessly. Guess what? You are codependent! http://psychcentral.com/lib/21-tips-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/
The term codependency has earned a bad reputation in popular psychology. http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-codependence/ Codependent means you are a people pleaser, your sense of well-being comes from helping other people. This becomes a problem only when you give to the point of being taken advantage of – and keeling over from just giving too much! It first described the caregiving that adult children of alcoholics give to a parent who was absent – both physically and emotionally due to their addiction. http://www.dr-mcginnis.com/codependency.htm It has broadened now to include children who become caregivers to parents with mental health conditions, which forces you to become the caregiver – the adult in the relationship.
You say to yourself, “Hey, being caring isn’t bad!” It isn’t! But if you look at the great majority of abusive relationships, your abuser usually has a dual diagnosis of a personality disorder and addiction. And you, the abused spouse, is more often than not codependent! http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/08/the-dance-between-codependents-narcissists/ The narcissist is responsible for the abuse, but you (the codependent) also play a role in staying in that abusive, dysfunctional relationship due to the desire to heal, fix and repair the “broken” spouse – usually way too long! Think about these words to live by: You did not break them, you cannot heal them!
Okay, so you’re a “Human Magnet”! How do you stop? http://www.mariadroste.org/2013/02/okay-okay-so-im-codependent-already-now-fix-it/ Know what you’re worth! Grow your self-esteem and do not allow anyone to show you disrespect or use and abuse you. Find a good therapist well versed in CPTSD and trauma bonding, develop strong and healthy boundaries, and start working on the childhood issues that primed you to be codependent!
Help us out by joining us Saturday at Noon AZ MST when Kris and Steve talk with Ross Rosenberg, counselor and author of the book “Human Magnet” because we want to show you how to stop doing that!
Ashley Madison is a website devoted to setting up “discreet encounters” – affairs! However, most of the women on the site were and by and large still are “fembots”, not real people – or they were “escorts” – prostitutes! http://www.digitaltrends.com/opinion/john-mcafee-how-no-one-got-laid-on-ashley-madison/ But one of their biggest weaknesses is a failure to verify email addresses. You can use anybody’s address – yours, your grandmother’s, your boss’, Justin Bieber’s, anybody’s. Since the data dump, Ashley Madison says they’re doing great http://techcrunch.com/2015/08/31/ashley-madison-says-business-is-booming/ but how many people are being unjustly judged and accused? How many people signed up out of pure curiosity? And how many marriages are now tanking because of the security breach? http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-34072762
If you are in a relationship, why cheat? https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201209/the-eight-reasons-people-cheat-their-partners You may stray from a committed relationship because your needs are not being met, or you are just narcissists who wants to prove you are desirable. Problems occur when your spouse accuses you of affairs, both physical and emotional, when you have in fact been faithful. Lack of trust often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; you get tired of being accused and decide that if you’re doing the time, you might as well do the crime. It’s not a valid excuse, but you might try to use it! https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201211/healing-the-cycles-tear-couples-apart
The fallout from the Ashley Madison hack has been huge. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/fallout-from-ashley-madison-hack-continues-and-other-news-0828151 There are two suicides which may be related to the breach and there will be countless wrecked marriages and relationships. There is also talk of massive lawsuits and the company is offering a bounty for the hackers. http://www.cnet.com/news/ashley-madison-puts-bounty-on-hackers-heads/ Do the hackers have a moral stance, or is what they did wrong? http://fortune.com/2015/08/19/ashley-madison-media/ It was illegal, but some people will undoubtedly be pleased with the outing of this website’s users.
The biggest question asked in marital counseling when there has been an affair is, “Can the relationship survive?” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheri-meyers/for-the-betrayer_b_3269327.html Yes, but only if you own up to what you did, go to intense individual therapy and figures out why you cheated, and your spouse/significant other works on their own issues as well. “After the Affair” can help couples work through the breach of trust. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheri-meyers/for-the-betrayer_b_3269327.html
No need to be discreet, join us Saturday at Noon AZ MST on starworldwidenetworks.com as Kris and Steve ask the hard questions of those who cheat and have been cheated on, because we want to know what questions you have for them! Can they survive the betrayal?